Girl. 30. Living this thing called life.

Just me. Being me.

Fiction August 13, 2013

A remix of the traditional fairytale – Red Riding Hood

The floor looks comfy. Every inch of me is tingling with the idea of laying on it and shutting my eyes in the hope that this non stop world will stop spinning. It looks kinda… springy, like my bed at home. Even with the soggy lipstick covered fag butts sticking to the bottoms of peoples shoes. I raise my head. Slowly. A bit too slow. Quicker? Ugh. No no no no… I start peeling my tongue away from its new home in the desert. It moves around a little, trying to find an oasis in the dry. Its no good. I need a juice. Hmmm.. Juice. Or a milkshake, yeah a milkshake would be good. And maybe some Quavers. Fuck it. Nowhere will be open now, I should just go home. I turn my back on the rainbow of lights and the thud thud thud of music that is making my brain thud thud thud in response.
I look for my bike. I’m sure I left it here. Or was it over at Gretel’s house? Where the fuck is Gretel anyway? Making me come out, tempting me with a night out with the girls.
“Come on out Red,” she said, “you do not want to miss out on what my brother has got for us.”
What her brother had for us was freaking amazing. It was freaking amazing. I can’t remember what it was called but God it was good. The tiny tiny white pills with a little picture of Wiley Coyote on it. I kept telling Gret to look at Wiley Coyote, where the frick is Road runner? And she was like,
“Red. It is a Wolf. How many fuckin’ times do I have to show you. It is a picture of a Wolf.”
And I was like,
“No Gret. That is definitely Wiley Coyote.”
Oh how I laughed. My face feels funny. I force my hand up to my face. It feels like it has three heavy weight wrestlers pulling down on it. I look down, half expecting to see them there. Waving up at me, laughing at my weakness. I close my eyes and put all my energy into lifting my arm up to my face. I feel like I am smiling. Why the fuck am I smiling? Oh yeah… Wiley Coyote. Haha. I look up. I recognise this door. I look around. Yeah, I know it. The unforgiving lamp-posts have been replaced by whispering trees. Shedding their needles and their secrets to the ground. How the fuck did I get here? I must’ve been walking for hours. Mmmm. GG will have some Quavers. Or even some of those bloody lovely cookies she makes. I got a key here somewhere..

I hear noisy people. They are too loud. Too fucking loud. I can’t open my eyes. I wish I had taken my make up off last night….
“My name is GG, she calls me GG…”

“Red? Can you hear me Red?” A male voice now. Who the fuck did I go home with last night? The pine needles beneath me scritch and scratch until I am comfy again. Something is pulling me, it could be those wrestlers again, not wanting me to wake up. Not yet.

“Red? I’m a Doctor. Can you hear me?” A light is being flashed in front of my eyes. I pull my eyelids closed tighter and try and tell them all to piss off. My mouth isn’t working yet. It is too early. Grandma’s here why won’t she tell him to leave me alone? I start to drown again. Its peaceful when I am drowning. No one can disturb me.

“Red?” Oh for fucks sake.
“Its Doctor Woodcutt, your Grandma called me. GG called me, Red? Can you answer me Red? What have you taken? Red? What did you take last night?”

Nothing. Nothing.
I feel nothing. I took nothing.
The Road Runner races in front of my eyes.



Her eyes flicker open.
“She’s waking up.” A woman shouts to someone she can’t see. “Can you hear me? Nod if you can hear me.”
“I can hear you.” Isabella whispers. “I can hear you.”
“Oh thank God. Oh thank the Lord above and all his shiny shiny angels. Help is on its way, they are on their way. Just stay with us. Keep talking. Tell me your name. What is your name?”
“Isabella. My name is Isabella. What happened?” She tries to sit up, but feels pressure on her shoulders, keeping her down.
“Don’t try and move, Isabella, Mikey’s got hold of you, he won’t let you move, we can’t risk you doing yourself more damage. You stay there young lady.” Isabella watches the woman as she looks at her watch. She can see the worry in her eyes, but takes comfort in her stern voice.
“How you feeling?” A male voice now, she assumes it is the unseen Mikey. “How’s your head?”
“Mikey? What happened, Mikey?” Isabella asks. She tries to look up, take a look at the stranger keeping her still.
“Do as the lady says Bella. I’m no Doctor but I think you better stay as you are. It was a pretty nasty hit.”
“I was hit? What hit me?”
“Jeez, I was just starting my shift, I haven’t even clocked in yet. And look at the state of my trousers. Fresh on this morning. Now look at them. Covered in….”
“Blood? I’m bleeding?” Isabella lifts her arm up to her face, to find the source.
“What? No, well, a little, but not a lot. You’ve got a cut on your forehead but it’s mainly a lump. It’s gonna bruise up real nice.”
“Ok, thats enough now Mikey, thank you.” Isabella looks at the woman who is frowning at Mikey.
“Do I know you?” Isabella asks the woman. “What is your name?”
“I’m Clare. I’m pretty sure this is the first time we’ve met.”
“I recognise you. Are you sure we’ve not met before?” Isabella tilts her head, trying to get a better view.
“I’m sure. Is there anyone you want us to call?” Clare asks, brushing the loose strands of her hair that were sticking to her face aside. Her eyes were darting from Mikey to Isabella and back to her watch.
“We’ve spoken before. I remember. You were trying to get the same box of tea-bags as me. The ones with the 50% extra free in them. I remember. You weren’t happy cos I was quicker than you. I remember. Then I saw you here, in this aisle and you couldn’t get past..”
“Oh… of course, that was you? Huh, I was having a bad day…” Clare’s face reddens.
“Mikey, please, I feel fine, if you could just let me get up?” Isabella pushes herself up against Mikey’s strong hands, and, feeling a little give, pushes further. Mikey, who had been resting on his haunches, stumbles backwards. Isabella pulls herself up into a sitting position and surveys the mess surrounding her.
“Baked Beans? I was hit by tins of Baked Beans?”
“And Spaghetti.” Mikey contributes, signaling to the mess on his trousers.





CASE NUMBER 01-04030201

APRIL 19, 2013

Gadget:  The date is April 19th, time is…. 18hundred hours.  I am Inspector Gadget, and I will be interviewing Jason Prince today, at Castle Police Station.  Also present is DC Woody who took the initial call out.  Jason, can you confirm your full name and date of birth.  

Prince:  *coughs* Uhem. Hiiyaa, My name is Jason Prince, I’m 22 years old and I’m from Knightsbridge.

Gadget:  This isn’t a dating show Jason.  In your own time, can you tell me what happened at lunch time today.

Prince: I thought I’d try the pub for lunch, the new one ya know?  Up on.. er.. Used to be called the Moat.. Anyways, I’m a vegeterian but all the chef could offer me were Linda McCartney’s frozen sausages or the veggies off of the carvery.  Weren’t happy so I

Gadget: Jason, please stick to the events after your lunch.  Specifically involving Tangled Hair and Beauty.

Prince: Sorry mate.  Sara called me, after my shitty lunch.  Shit sorry, I’m probably not meant to swear in these things am I?  

Gadget: Sara?

Prince: Sara Punzel.  She’s me bird.  Hot you know?  Not like Cheryl Cole hot.  Or that Lorraine bird off of the tele hot, but she has got legs up to her eyes and hair down to her peachy little

Gadget: Jason.  Please stick to what happened.

Prince: Yeah well, she’d gone to Tangled, had her hair extensions stuck back in or whatever they do, and she couldn’t pay.  I bought her a new wallet, sorry, purse, the uvver day, and bless her, she aint the brightest of the bulbs.  Fink she’d tried paying wiv her WISA card.  Ya know?  The free one ya get in the purse.  Din’t go down too well wiv the hairdresser

Gadget: Aaah, Miss… *shuffling of papers can be heard*   Witchy?  

Prince: Yeah well I fink she thought Sara was pulling a fast one.  She weren’t though, she’s just.. well… she suits being blond ya know?  

Gadget: What were Miss Witchy and Miss Punzel doing when you arrived Jason?

Prince: Um… well.. when I first got there you mean?

Gadget: Yes.  What was the situation when you first arrived.  What were Miss Witchy and Miss Punzel doing?

Prince: *barely audible* I dunno.

Gadget: You don’t know?  Why not?

Prince: Well… ya see.. the fing is.. I couldn’t see.  I went into the salon off of the high street and it had been all hot and sunny so I was wearing my new sunnies, ya know?  The ones what change when ya go from out to in?  Yeah well I think I got done over wiv mine cos it took a few minutes for the glasses to go clear and I couldn’t see jack shit.  I walked straight into the coat stand and Sara had to help me over to the desk where we waited til they went clear again.  So ya see, by the time I could see anything, there weren’t no fighting going on.  It looked like there was fighting but not when I was there.  

Gadget: So what happened then?

Prince: That Miss Witchy, she kept saying she wanted her hair extensions back off of Sara, and that if she can’t pay then she can’t keep them.  Sara’s hair was a right mess.  She weren’t looking pretty and I thought, thats fine by me keep ‘em.  Sara was trying to pay with this bloody WISA card, couldn’t understand what the problem was.  Bloody make up all over the show..  So I did the right thing din’t I?  I stepped up, I was a man.

Gadget: What did you do?

Prince: I showed Sara where her real VISA card was.  




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