Girl. 30. Living this thing called life.

Just me. Being me.

NYC Midnight – Short Story Challenge – Round One March 17, 2016

Filed under: My Fiction — emzee1983 @ 7:57 am
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Her Story

Don’t judge me. I promise that there is nothing wrong with me. I don’t have any dodgy ex-boyfriends, or too many cats. I don’t snore, and I am not actually that fussy when it comes to men… it’s just that for whatever reason I am unable to meet men in normal acceptable social situations. I met my last long-term boyfriend whilst I was walking my neighbour’s dog. I’ll be honest; I’m not that great with animals, especially other peoples, and on this particular day, I was not dressed to meet a man, I wouldn’t even say I was dressed. Well, I had clothes on but… Oh let me start at the beginning. (more…)


Daylight Savings… Daylight Robbery.. October 29, 2013

Filed under: My Views — emzee1983 @ 10:32 pm
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Am I the only person in this country who can gain an extra hour in the day..

Yet still be late for absolutely everything??

It’s like I suffer from some kind of backward jet lag.


Like this morning, I tried and tried to get out of bed at my normal time of 6:30.. which last week would have been 7:30 today (right?) so I should have been bounding out of bed all fresh faced and ready for the world, when the reality was, I crawled out of bed at 7:30.. which last week would have been 8:30 today (right?) feeling like I needed an extra hours sleep.

And I like this clock change.

Most of my conversations before the event went like this:

(I did have other conversations, about other things, this did not dominate my life, I just meant the conversations about the clock change)

“Don’t forget the clocks change on Sunday..”

“Of course! Do they go back or forward?”


“Is that the good one?  That’s the good one right?”

I mean, how could you forget the clocks were changing?  It’s not like every other post on Facebook would remind you.. or every tweet.. or every newspaper.. or every news channel.. or every blimp that was hired and subtly flown outside the office window..

(Ok the last one didn’t happen but it would have been cool).

Anyway.  It is done now.  Until March.

Where I get to suffer again at the hands of time.


An award?? Little ole me?? August 29, 2013

Filed under: My Views — emzee1983 @ 7:13 pm
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The Versatile Blogger award


What is this?  I hear you cry!

I’ve only gone and got a Versatile Blogger award..

Such a lovely, funny, crazy, slightly insane blogger nominated me.  Do PLEASE check out her funny as f*** blog:


She makes me laugh out loud, several times a day.  I especially love her rainbow dusting ideas 🙂

Rules Rules Rules..

With these Internet awards, come rules!
Here we go:
1. Put the award on your blog and SMILE!
2. Do tell your readers that you’ve received the award!
3. Thank the kind person who nominated you and post a link to their blog.
4. Now, you go ahead and nominate 15 other lovely bloggers who you think are deserving of the award.
5. Whoosh a comment over to the 15 people you nominated, to let them know, of course! (You can do this by commenting on one of their posts.)
6. And finally, list 7 fascinating facts about yourself.


And now, I present to you, my fabulous nominees:
















Please, go ahead and start click-click-clicking onto their blogs!


And here are the 7 facts about me!

1.  I like saying to my other half things like: “How old are you? 4?” And then finding myself HILARIOUS.

2.  I am weird.  (See above).

3.  I once got my head trapped in my electric car window whilst I had my finger on the button to do it up.  My brain was all like; “Why is my head getting trapped?”  Whilst my wicked finger was like; “Mwahahaha..”

4.  I am stupid.  (See above).

5.  I find weird things funny.  Like saying the word “Vaseliiiiiine” In a very high pitched voice, stretching the i.  Try it. I bet you liked it.

6.  I talk to my dog.  I know other people do it too, but here I am, brave enough to admit it.  I imagine he calls me SUPER MUM.

7.  I cannot read or play music, I cannot read or speak any foreign language, but I can spell supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

I would just like to say, yet again, a HUGE Thank you to the wonderful ZOOBOO who nominated me.  Without you, I wouldn’t have received this award.



Girl. 30. Sending mixed messages. June 30, 2013

Filed under: My Views — emzee1983 @ 11:56 am
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I love my family.  With all of my heart.  They can make me laugh and cry like no other person can.

I have two sisters, one big, one little. Today, I need to tell you about the big one, and my mum.

My big sister is amazing.  She has two degrees, is married with two beautiful children but, she is a little out of touch with the internet, social media etc.  This is not a bad thing.  It’s quite refreshing actually, although I have often had to spend evenings with her trying to explain the concept of a Retweet…

Anyway, she does manage to text us, and often signs off her texts with ‘lol’.  

To us savvy texters we all know that that means Laugh out Loud.

To my big sister this still means Lots of Love.

Which is fine for us all who are close to her as we know what she means.  And we all avoided sending it back to her to avoid confusion.

Or so I thought..

Recently she was in a seminar as part of her work, and the 50+ year old David Brent wannabe (her words) started the seminar by saying this..

“We all know how quickly text language changes, how children change the meaning of words so that their parents don’t know what they are talking about..”

At this point big sister was nodding along knowingly with the fellow parents in the room.  Until…

“Take for example, the use of LOL.  It used to be Lots of Love…”

This is where she stopped mid nod and kept her smile frozen in place while her eyes opened all crazy like.

“But now, of course, we all know it is Laugh out Loud”

This was how she was informed of this. A 50+ year old man was informing her. She was mortified. And has since started signing her texts with the actual words: Lots of Love.

She is ok now though, she is getting over it. Until she told me this story and I told her that even our mum knows how to use LOL correctly.

For example, this is a text from my mum to me:

That’s cool! It will happen in the near future is all I know lol. Will
call them on Friday if no news. Xxx

This worried big sister a little, as she wondered if mum had been texting lol to her as Laugh out Loud and not Lots of Love as she thought.

After reading a few examples, we decided that mum was using it as Lots of Love for big sister, and Laugh out Loud for the rest of the world. (Which actually makes my mum some kind of genius, remembering to do this).

Until we came across this text.

(To put into context, my mum has the whole family over to hers for Christmas on Boxing day and this was sent to my mum once big sister had spent the day with her and was making her way home)

Big Sister:

Thanks ever so much for having us all over, was such a lovely day.
Love you xx x


Was a pleasure, can’t wait to do it again next year, lol x

An evil genius maybe, scoring silent chuckles without us even realising.

Hats off to you mum.



Filed under: My Views — emzee1983 @ 5:24 pm
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I am fully aware that this topic has been dissected, torn apart, eaten up, regurgitated and talked about all over again… BUT… I need to have my say.  So bear with me.

On my way in to work, I listen to my I-phone as I apparently no longer fall into the Radio 1 listeners age group and am regularly made to feel old.  At 30.  But that is another blog for another time.  This morning, I had my phone on shuffle, and enjoying the random mix of Tracy Chapman blurred into Skrillex when on came Another Level.  

I don’t know if you remember Another Level, their main hit being ‘Freak Me’..

But it was their classic slow song, ‘Guess I was a Fool’ that came on this morning…

“I guess I was a fool.. For thinking that you needed me too.. Should have knew..”


This is coming from an R&B boyband that had many top ten hits and were on movie soundtracks for Notting Hill and Ali G.  No wonder I talk like I do growing up with that in my ear.

They are not the worst offenders though.  And, yet again, I apologise if this is old news, I just need to get it off my chest.  

THE WAY I ARE.  Yeah you know it, that Timbaland song..

“Can you handle me the way I’m are?”

Seriously?  Somebody needs to learn that boy some English.  (I can get away with that ‘cos I’m a Norfolk gal)

And whilst I’m talking about being from this here Norfolk, this song title springs to mind:

“I can’t get no satisfaction”  Being from Norfolk this is often true, but the main reason I have included this one is because I wanted to write it like this;

I can’t get noo… (boom boom boom) sat. is. faction..”  A Double negative Mr Jagger?  Good going you great role models you.  

We could also criticise “Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone…”  But we won’t as it is a brilliant song.  Although technically it means there will be sunshine.  Negating the purpose of the whole lyric.

If I wrote a piece full of grammatical errors and misused words, used words that were stretched to fit where they probably shouldn’t, I’d either be called a Norfolk Genius, or no one would read my work.  I’m guessing the latter would be more likely.  So why do we listen to these lyrics?  And enjoy them? Do we forgive them their intellectual ignorance because they make us tap our feet?

Who knows. 

All I do know is next time I write something that is not that well written, I shall just come over to yours as you read it and play a nice tune whilst distracting you with interpretive dance.  




Girl. 30. Attempting to eat like a grown up. June 25, 2013

Filed under: My Views — emzee1983 @ 7:23 pm
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I was sitting on my sofa on Sunday morning, eating a bowl of cereal.

I don’t know about you, but for some reason, whenever I eat cereal, I end up with milk dribbling down my chin and making itself at home on whatever I am wearing. I turn into a slobbering mess. I use the sleeve of my gown to wipe away the milk and am shocked at the amount of milk that has missed my mouth.

And it’s not only the obvious visual mess, it’s the noises I make. The snuffling, piggy noises whilst slurping my milk. This is why I do not eat my cereal in public. When in public I stick to toast. Toast is a safe food. Until you take a bite and end up with the whole slice hanging out of your mouth and just a tiny corner piece between your fingers. That is the only time that toast lets me down. I just need to remember to stick to the safe toppings, like jam. Not Chocolate spread, that ends up all over my face, clothes, friends…

Honestly, it’s like I need to retake some kind of eating etiquette. My other half (R) has some bad habits.. (the above are not my habits, they are things that are entirely beyond my control).. One of the worst is LICKING HIS KNIFE. Ugh. I cannot stand it. I almost wish it would cut him a little to teach him a lesson.. Just a little. No permanent scarring..

He also LICKS HIS PLATE. The amount of times I have had to guide his hand, holding his plate, back to the table when we are out, giving him the look, the ‘not in public’ look. The look he gives me, the lost boy look, the look your puppy gives you when he knows he has done wrong, does not work when we are at a wedding.
Okay, but the worst. The worst habit he has with eating. Is when he LICKS MY PLATE. What the ? Not only has he finished his meal, licked his knife and fork clean, but he has to do the same for me too. He says it saves on the washing up. I tell him we have a dishwasher. He gives me the puppy look.

He has learnt to lick all plates and cutlery away from my eyes and hides in the kitchen like some secret addict.

I suppose we all have our habits when it comes to food.

For example, I like to cook the crap out of everything to avoid any potential food poisoning. (That’s what I tell people, the truth is I have no concept of timings when I cook. Even with a timer I get confused. So I go by what things look like) Which is fine when it is just me and R, but when friends/family come over, they have to endure soggy non existent vegetables, with hard overcooked meat and crispy shells of potatoes.

Sorry guys.